BREAKING: CRAZED WOMAN ON THE LOOSE

A woman in her mid 20s has apparently gone on a manhunt for a groom. The brunette was last seen stalking the Manchester high street armed with a giant fishing net and wearing a wedding dress.

As terrified men took cover in nearby shops, we cornered the mystery woman for an insight into her motives. “Look, I’m 25 and every holiday, birthday, Sunday bloody dinner I’m asked when will I marry. It’s not 1945 Barbara we’re not all married at 20 with 3 kids. It’s like they think I can reserve a fella in Argos and then go and pick him up? I was honestly fine by myself but I’ve just had enough now, I’m even willing to lower my standards to guys wearing sleeveless, too small vests who’s only life goal is to be on Geordie Shore.”

Unconfirmed reports suggest a group of people, possibly the woman’s family, were seen buying fascinators from Harvey Nichols. Apparently they were heard muttering that “she can’t be independent she’s a woman” and they hope the groom she nets herself isn’t a vegan. More to follow.

 

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